Over time

Over time, so many things change. each day so much seems the same, and yet the months trail behind us as proof that the days accumulate in constant shift. not that i am complaining. while i fear change in many ways, i also fear the absence of change. there are certain things in my life that i don't want to change, certain things by which i gauge my security, my safety, my sense of self. it is uncomfortable when those things change. 

and then, there are certain things where the thought of change is exhilarating. certain channels are ones that we always want to keep open to change, to the possibility of transformation. 

though really i suppose everything is equally susceptible to change, right? or is resistance effective? and when we try to catalyze change, does change come faster?

today we went on a hike with Asher's school. we go every year, on the equinox. there is nothing quite like a yearly tradition to help one reflect on change. 

Further, there is nothing like a class of kids going to school together for years and years to make you reflect on change. these kids are so big now! the first year we did the hike, all the kids ran together in a pack of tiny people, varying ages and genders notwithstanding. 

now they are old enough so that they have divided into two separate clans - the boys and the girls. the boys stay as far from the main group as possible, muttering swear words, chasing rattlesnakes. the girls stay together in a loose, pink-clothed blob. they often sigh with boredom. the oldest ones change into (pink) bathing suits at the creek to swim, but no one ever gets wet.

ahh, the politics of growing older.

 a few things haven't changed: i was late, again, to the hike, arriving just as the group was heading out (after a potluck breakfast). there are still newts in the creek and cows on the hill. the wildflowers are still rampant and beautiful.

these photos don't really go with this post, but this post kind of took on a different shape than i originally intended. these are all old photos that i pulled out of the archives last night, and so i thought to reflect on change. i started the post late last night, and now, after the hike, the post is about a hike that is not pictured here. so you'll just have to imagine the oak trees, the grass, the mama cows and babies, the california poppies, the big rocks. have you ever heard of Table Mountain? to get there, we drive past an old ghost town from the mining days, called Cherokee. Cherokee comes (of course) with its own fascinating history. So many riches promised to so many people. 

But now, satiated with sun and springtime, I'm happy to have written this post at all. what a wonderful way to end the week, to sail off into the beloved weekend. i am going now to take an afternoon bath and brush my hair in the sun. pretty much the best things ever. 

happy springtime to all of you. i hope you are experiencing some sunshine, or at least another ritual of renewal, in whatever form it comes.


  1. You are reminding me of this bit of a Louise Gluck poem: "I remember sounds like that from my childhood,/ laughter for no cause, simply because the world is beautiful,/ something like that."

  2. <3 Your thoughts and heart and mind.


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