Woohoo! I think I mentioned that I was working on a collage collaboration with Alice, and they are finally complete. Alice and I have never met in person, and it was such a good experience in cooperation and creation to work on a long-distance, collaboratory art project. 

You can read her blog post about it here. We are planning on making these into greeting cards, paired with inspiring/relevant quotes inside the cards. I will announce on my blog when the cards are available to order.

For now, enjoy the imagery. Soon we shall enter the year of the snake. I'm excited. Are you??


When the Sun Rose

Here is the next installment of photos from my photoshoot that I've mentioned and that I've shared parts of already. So much pretty light! we could not have timed it better, and it wasn't really planned that way.  In these photos, Hannah is wearing a 1940s kimono that I bought from Mindy Sue. It's incredibly beautiful. I'm loving playing around with the blurry shots...and the light. some of the photos captured little light ghosties hanging out by Hannah's gorgeous face.

here is a poem from Mary Oliver that I love, that I feel is appropriate with these photos in this moment:

The Swan

Did you too see it, drifting, all night, on the black river?
Did you see it in the morning, rising into the silvery air -
An armful of white blossoms,
A perfect commotion of silk and linen as it leaned
into the bondage of its wings; a snowbank, a bank of lilies,
Biting the air with its black beak?
Did you hear it, fluting and whistling
A shrill dark music - like the rain pelting the trees - like a waterfall
Knifing down the black ledges?
And did you see it, finally, just under the clouds -
A white cross Streaming across the sky, its feet
Like black leaves, its wings Like the stretching light of the river?
And did you feel it, in your heart, how it pertained to everything?
And have you too finally figured out what beauty is for?
And have you changed your life?


remember my post yesterday about the full moon? well I went forth to experience both communication breakthroughs AND melodrama. so there we go. sometimes one leads to the other, actually. communication can be dramaaaatic. i mean, it doesn't have to be, but sometimes it just is. 

I have lots of big things coming up, and I'm excited to share them with everyone. I am also, as I promised to do, taking another break from good ole Facebook, but my LB+L page is still operating...thanks to Alice! Alice (of The Cosmic Collage) will be running the Lost Boys + Lovers FB page while I travel for a bit and listen ever-more closely to my heart. So, give her some love now and then - and you can always contact me here or by sending me a good old fashioned email. Feeling thankful for Alice and for this network of women that continues to expand and grow in such amazing ways. Thank you to everyone for supporting me in the ways that you do. 


I saw it - a golden moon, large and rising

Tonight I was driving east, heading home from the bay area. Asher and I got to watch a gorgeous sunset: soft, pink and billowy - the clouds absorbed most of the light and held it sweetly as the sun went down. Then, on the other side of us, the moon began to rise. It was low, large and golden, and it came up as it always does - with true languid elegance, reminding me of how life can potentially be lived. 

I'm feeling the full moon, though. My sun sign is Leo and so I am drawn to anything leo - and this full moon is it. Are you feeling it? I checked out what Mystic Mamma had to say about it (the go-to blog for me in all things celestial) and here is a bit that I pulled from her (and she pulled it from another source):

The Full Moon in Leo occurs at 7 degrees on January 26th/27th, 2013. With the Sun in detached mind-oriented Aquarius while the Moon in dramatic heart-centered Leo, it is possible to initially experience a clashing of emotions under these specific astrological aspects that are a part of this Full Moon phase.”
“Emotions are bubbling high and low under this phase, yet precious illuminated insights will reveal themselvesthrough all of the conflict, clashes and perhaps overly dramatic interactions. Ultimately, the mind and heart is seeking union with each other during the Full Moon in Leo instead of remaining at odds.”
“Leo is a fixed mode of energy and a fire sign. This suggests self-expression and demonstrating how you feel is a natural part of this astrological sign. The sign of Leo also reminds each to embody love, have dignity and also have pride in what you express. That is, shine your best and authentic Self.”
“Life will not feel dull leading up to the Full Moon in Leo. Talk about it, feel it, and then finally make solid progress to grow from wherever you have limited yourself out of lack of self-love. It is very likely that with the Full Moon in Leo, individuals, the Inner Child Archetype or children may have strange or bizarre outbursts especially in a public setting. People may opt to do some pretty outlandish things when it comes to love and romance or declaring their feelings now. If you have been controlling your emotions or stuffing them down, they may come up and out through pressure or tension.”
“It’s as if you are battling an ancient pattern within yourself that you know you have wrestled with before many times over, or many lifetimes over. Isn’t it time to courageously face it? Trust yourself to do what is healthy and loving. There may be a lot of deep feelings running underneath that must be acknowledged. Drama verges on melodrama with the building up of emotions under the Full Moon in Leo. “
“One may want to ponder and address where the lack, limitation and restraint out of fear is showing up when it comes to love or expressing yourself authentically.”
“There is a sparkly potential to this Full Moon in Leo, that is one you find the extreme stuck spot or a few when it comes to love, emotions or self-expression, there is potential for an unexpected twist to unleash creative energy to freely flow. You have to be a bit innovative and creative rather than fixating on the old way for the unleashing of the energy and joy to happen.”
“The astrological sign of Leo also brings the message of listening to the joy and wisdom within the heart. This is Soul speaking through your deepest most genuine feelings. Similar to how little babies and children simply know to express  joy without reservations…”
“If you have felt like your love life has been lacking or withering away, this could be a time where you pay attention to yourself, relationship and marriage to add a bit of magic and love back into the mix. If you are single, do not fret, add the same love and romance towards yourself to become evermore increasingly magnetic for the special someone to find you.”
© Copyright 2013  Dipali Desai. All Rights Reserved

What do you think? I am feeling the pattern and emotional response deep in my heart and also feeling my intellect trying to block it or rationalize it back down. I suppose I should let it come up. Hoping my own drama will not get melodramatic, as it mentions above - but I have been known to be melodramatic at times. Yes, it's true. Hard to believe, I know. 


Big blessings all of you beautiful lunar women out there. Such a joy to be riding these luminous waves and cycles with you, knowing that despite the distance between us, we are ruled by the same celestial being. 


Hannah in the light

Here are a few of the photos from the shoot I talked about in my last post. I am going to spread them out over a few posts....but these are some of my favorites. 

i am a sucker for golden light - the buttery bliss of the shimmering yellows, or the comforting low-tones of glowing amber. we should all be drenched in such light at least once daily. 

right now, as i write this, i am in Oakland - and tomorrow I'm driving to LA to go visit my brother and my cousin and some old friends. I totally forgot my camera (i know), so i will have to rely on my phone to snap memories on this trip. This past weekend I spent in Alameda (i love alameda!) with several generations of my family on my mother's side. it was really fun. i have a really good family. we laugh a lot and eat together and play a lot of games. the grandmothers and great grandmothers shower Asher in money and sugar, and they tell me stories of homemade bread and handmade dresses in the 1940s, of forgotten romances and bad investments, of all the things that might have been, of all the things that are and how they came to be. 

it is sunny and light here in the daytime. i have new tires and i got my oil changed. when I called Asher's teacher to see if it is okay to take him out of school this week, she told me that she could never teach him what i can teach him by taking him with me. 

and so we go. 


flowers in her hair

over the weekend, i got together with my friend Hannah for an impromptu photoshoot/dress-up session.   i owe most of the motivation to her, honestly. but i'm so glad we did it! Hannah is an amazing painter (click on her link) and so she photographed me for painting inspiration. i photographed her in some vintage and also took a bunch of gorgeous photos just for fun. those i will upload and post very very soon. soooo pretty. 

for now, here are a couple that hannah took (and edited). she did the flower-hair pile, too. we took the photos at her aunt's sweet abode tucked away in the orchards in Chico. this experience was yet another lesson in remembering that motivating to collaborate with creative women is always, always a good idea. 

stay tuned for my photos, and also for an upcoming interview with Hannah. i want to share more of her art with all of you. 


for the future

as a mother, i feel that i often worry about the future. i like to know what is in store, generally, or at least have an idea of what will be happening. i am a creature of habit, a homebody, a homemaker by trade and by heart. i love "making home." i love to make food, i love to make things clean, i love to rest. i love to be in a space that is mine and that feels like a peaceful reflection of myself. 

naturally, there are times when the future is not clear. there are times when all we have is right now (just taking it one day at a time, she says), and likewise, there are times when the past (recent or not-so-recent) comes to the surface overwhelmingly, dominating any open spaces and pulling on our hearts and spirits, demanding attention (heal me! grieve for me! let go of me!)

i've been thinking a lot lately about the concepts of courage and freedom. it is said that they go hand in hand. specifically, i heard a woman speaking about courage, and she explained the etymology of the word: courage comes from the same latin root as heart (cor); the french word for heart is coer. essentially, then, courage is not bravery - as I had thought. courage is being true to your heart. courage means be your fucking self.

this part in the video really struck me - alarmingly so - as i had not really considered that before. and it is undoubtedly the most challenging task in a human life - to be yourself, to listen to your heart, to let your heart truly be the guide. just hearing this story of semantics pretty much blew my mind. life is a test of courage. and not in a knight-in-shining-armor kind of way. no horses, no swords. (i mean, unless we want to get into deep spiritual metaphors: swords in the tarot do represent truth...hmm. but we can save that for another time). 

a few days prior to learning about courage, a friend had sent me this quote:

"the secret of happiness is freedom. the secret of freedom is courage." 

as i read back over this blog post, i'm realizing that i may not have a succinct point. these are just some open-hearted ramblings from my own mental landscape lately. the courage to be myself, the pursuit of freedom, and the task of creating the future for my child: all of these things loom large before me. the time is now, i believe, to be ourselves and to create the future. each step we take is the future. this is it. do i want Asher to know how to make pancakes? then i need to teach him now. the future is happening, and it is both exciting and exhausting at the same time.

this past year has been one of massive transformation for me, and it has demanded (and still does) much courage and vision and integrity. the future is bright, but sometimes it hurts my eyes and i want to close them. i think it is remarkable that with all the people in the world, with all of our loved ones and our relationships in our life, there is still that feeling of incredible solitude. each life is so unique, its own shimmering thread in the fabric of the whole. 

the photos in this post are by Alexandra Vacaroiu and i discovered them on the Cosmic Collage.


In with the new

Yessss! I, for one, am super excited to welcome the first day of the Gregorian new year. Best yet, we still have a few weeks and then we get to welcome in the Chinese new year which is a personal favorite. Something about the Chinese new year just feeeels good inside of me. 

Honestly, I went to bed last night at 10:00 and would not have noticed the passing of midnight except for the many neighbors who began shooting their guns off at that hour. luckily, my sleep was deep and restful and i managed to slide back into it almost instantly after the gunfire. As a ritual of renewal, i brushed my hair before i went to bed. i brush my hair almost never, and it gets very very tangled - and then the brushing ends up being a huge project, one that takes time and patience. 

This morning, in spite of my mellow celebrations, i feel excited. 2012 was no joke. it was a year of opening and unfurling, rawness and tears. i know, of course, that "such is life," and as i move forward there will always be hard work, sadness, joy and pain. but cycles are cycles no matter how you look at it. it is always exhilarating when a cycle ends, for it ensures a new chapter in some way. I welcome this next year with open arms and delight. 

to celebrate the passing of the old and the arrival of the new, i'm posting a bunch of photos from times gone by. reminiscing is one of my favorite things about growing up more and more. 

Asher, camping in the redwoods - August 2011
modeling for Gather Jewelry on my couch (my mom made the couch, i recently received it as an heirloom gift from my grandma)
me and asher, portland 2006
back porch in chico, spring 2011
me and my mom, 1985 (?)
Asher on the path - 2010
asher turns 7
watching bridesmaids get ready - Portland 2010 
boys - 2012
Mariah and Sophie for LB+L - jan 2012
epic sunset - summer solstice 2012. 

Happy new year to you all. May you step forward with strength and certainty during this time; and may you call on the same strength and certainty to leave behind all that does not serve you in the next chapter.